The Real Airline Safety Announcment

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Your life-jacket can be found under your seat, but please do not remove it now. In fact, do not bother to look for it at all. In the event of a landing on water, an unprecedented miracle will have occurred, because in the history of aviation the number of wide-bodied aircraft that have made successful landings on water is zero. This aircraft is equipped with inflatable slides that detach to form life rafts, not that it makes any difference. Please remove high-heeled shoes before using the slides. We might as well add that space helmets and anti-gravity belts should also be removed, since even to mention the use of the slides as rafts is to enter the realm of science fiction.

One of the typical experiences of being on board many commercial airlines is the announcement of the safety procedures. Usually casual air-stewardess would suddenly stiffen like perky lifeless Barbie dolls, and proceed to mechanically commence with the safety directions. This article from the Economist sheds some light on what could be announced if the airline was being a little more truthful.

Full article here.

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